Shit your pants and run nowhere. But seriously, what is the real universal language? Sure we love you, we mean you no harm. How would we show it physically? Would physics even be the medium to convey our disposition? For all we know they could be mind readers or cross dimensional beings living in our underpants.
Alright, so what could we say for sure about beings that came to visit us? (Assuming of course that their intention it isn’t obvious by death rays or bumper stickers from Alpha Centauri). . . .We know the universe is pretty damn massive, possibly infinite- so if somebody does decide to come here specifically of all places, its probably intentional.
I’ve heard theories that aliens might assume cars or cats or such are the dominant species on earth, but any alien with half a brain is going to recognize that humans can determine the fate of other earthlings more consistently than vice versa. Of course its always possible we won’t be the focus of a visit or that communication is impossible for some reason. But if we worry too much that the aliens are just pissing through or here to visit carrots or something then there would be no point in trying to communicate with them anyways. We are forced to go with what seems most probable; its all about playing the odds. That being said we need to assume the aliens are here to see us, and that they are trying to communicate.
We will know nothing about their sensory capabilities except for the fact that they are able to sense us in some form. Instructing Uhura to broadcast at them over all frequencies or blast them with lights and keyboards like Richard Dryfus may be annoying or even dangerous. Its best to broadcast across the medium we know they can sense and are prepared to encounter- ourselves.
Faced with the alien vessel in the woods, you should start doing jumping jacks pausing to display prime numbers. It keeps you both mentally and physically occupied with something eliciting intelligence. If you can’t count them very high,go here. Why prime numbers? Its like the opening band’s burnt out roadie flashing his backstage pass to the headliner’s burnt out roadie. I understand that you are in the know and respect that, but please understand that i am in the know as well and belong here. Primes are going to be a consistent intelligent sequence no matter what dimensional plane you’re existing on.
*except of course one where nothing is separate. Imagine the absence of what we call “space”, everything just mashed together. No thing being separate from any other thing. If the only digit is one, there can’t be mathematics. An existence where nothing is separate could not have a working system of numbers , but communication would surely be impossible as well. Again we’re forced to make an assumption to remain within a plane our puny minds can comprehend.
So following the jacks, they bring you aboard sit you down on a tinfoil couch or something, offer you a marstini. How should you try to interact? Show them you are pleased they have visited and want their friendship? Best to look at nature for this one i think, too difficult an expression for math. I think the most neutral and consistently positive form of language free contact is grooming. Its gentle so as not to be misconstrued as an attack and it shows an affection for the groomed. Almost resembling healing activities, it conveys the message of fondness and care. . . ..Just don’t get carried away, it may be difficult to discern the alien’s shoulders from its genitals.
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