How to avoid getting tickets, following these simple tricks will keep you safe from the yellow menace:
1) Poop all over your windshield. Meter officers do not want to get close to human poo any more than the person handing out dry cleaning fliers or the guy who steals windshield wipers. Keep the whole area free of intrusion by smearing your feces across the lower portion of the window. Just park a little further from the entrance so as not to be arrested for indecent exposure. Oh, and always carry wet naps.
2) Boot all 4 wheels. Seen this city trick, when they don’t want to tow you but want to make sure you can’t take your car, they put a giant steel boot on your wheel rendering the car immovable. Beat them to it. When leaving your automobile parked on city hall steps, put a boot of your own on every wheel. They can’t put one on if its already there, and they can’t tow a car that has no rolling wheels.
3) Remove your wheels after parking. Further from #2, the immovable car is the well parked car.
4) Smooth the entire outer surface of your auto. Simple legality for parking officers, they have to be able to actually serve you the ticket. If you have no windshield wipers or air vents, or window seals etc. . . .there will be nowhere they can affix the ticket to your car. If they can’t give the ticket, you can’t get the ticket.
5) Only drive stolen cars. Park as usual, do your business, and return to your parking spot. If they’ve found the car, it will likely be gone. No problem: steal another and be on your way ticket free. Even if you do manage to get a ticket, its some other schmucks worry.
6) Park legally. ha ha, no just kidding folks. You’ll still get tickets, they’ve got no shame.
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