Top 6 Worst Computer Viruses of All Time


Pop-ups, slow downs, restarts, program failures, and a computer bogged down. Mysterious new files are created, old important ones are deleted. Whatever you were working on gets interrup. . . .  Fight it? Might stop working altogether. Kill it? Too adaptive- a technerd updates it remotely. They invade our privacy and leach our information- even our money! These are the worst computer viruses:

#6)   The Adobe Virus

Otherwise known as ‘Red Death’. The Adobe virus is highly specified and brutal. It attacks the system’s ability to process documents. Printers are often sent on the haywire, web browsers are rendered inoperable, even the viewing of simple text files can become tasking. It frequently interrupts the user to update and seizes normal function if refused.

#5)   Java Virus

If you have the Java virus, format your computer immediately. Java’s infection reaches so far, it can even be found inhibiting the efforts of the Mars rovers. The Java virus specifically targets web browsers, but never seems to stop there. It will keep interrupting and updating long after the browser is minimized, closed, even deleted. Strains of the Java virus are usually conjured by supporters of the fanatical Oracle Corporation.

#4)   Antivirus

This deceptive virus goes by many names and mutations: AVG and Norton are 2 common varieties. Sadistic and demeaning in its attack, this virus wages a psychological war. Much like politicians, it pretends to help with one hand and stabs with the other. The user is convinced the virus is beneficial and will actually be pleased to accommodate it. It runs lengthy processes, examines the entire system, and causes many interruptions and restarts. Some variants, like Mcafee, can lie dormant in the bowels of a system doing nothing for years, slowly feeding on memory.

#3)   IVirus

Never use a computer infected with the Ivirus. So profitable and malicious, I suspect organized crime is behind this virus. Originating on macs, Ivirus now infects systems of all stripes. It updates constantly, rewrites files and locks up access to old files. It invades handheld devices to scrape information. It refuses to close. It refuses to be deleted. Leaching from both content producers and audiences, it makes billions in profit from media which is widely available free. You’d fair better having dinner with Dracula.

#2)   The OSanimal Virus

  Rendering billions of computers nearly unusable with the ferocity of a legion of predatory cats. OSanimal hides files and creates new files without the user’s knowledge. It interrupts with questions, demands updates. Users are forced into hand cramping keyboard combinations to overcome the many restarts, closings and freezes. Screen “Hot Zones” and keys are posited that, when inadvertently touched, will cause massive fluctuations in the visual interface. Older strains are the most devastating, blocking even everyday usage. Discarded macs brought down by the OSanimal virus litter the landscape in shiny piles.

#1)   The Windows

The most virulent virus in computer history. Sickening the world’s computers for over 25 years, Infecting an astonishing %95 of all computers, the Windows is the black plague of computer viruses. It causes frequent updates, restarts, double restarts and no starts. It asks you questions at your every move and then ignores your answers. Worse still, the Windows creates a virtual cesspool, a breeding ground. No virus can work against you so well in collusion with others viruses.

Build a hot fire, stoke it, and send your computers in for servicing immediately.

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9 Responses to “Top 6 Worst Computer Viruses of All Time”

  1. Exuvia Says:

    With such a fantastic eye catching provocative array of tags, did they come; are they out there, the people looking for tags?

    What does the stat counter recount? what is the story… if you build the tag field will they come?

    Greetings
    Exuvia

  2. remistevens Says:

    hmmm, i enjoy writing tags, its such a different task from blog writing. It actually nicely depicts the #1 drag on my efforts to post things. I love brainstorming and hate editing, that’s the bottom line- whether its audio, visual or text. I’ve got no lack of ideas, but can’t possibly make everything consumable. I’ve gotten pretty good at concentrating on not creating so i don’t get overwhelmed.

    Oh yes the point. Blog writing is the editing of an idea, writing tags is pure brainstorm, baby. Real stream of consciousness type shit, know what i mean? Tags are always done all in one shot, right near the end. Brain projectile vomit aim at keyboard.

    I’m curious as well to see what types of people get to this page. So far google’s given this page to the poor saps who searched:

    “number one causes of computer viruses”
    and
    “the most brutal computer virus”

    -Hopefully they weren’t too disappointed.

  3. remistevens Says:

    Disclaimer: No Information Here.

  4. Jim Smetchland, Producer Says:

    Congratulations Exuvia!!!

    You are the 1000 commentator on, The Remi Stevens Blug

    I’m sure you’ll need to take a moment…..

    We’re very proud of your accomplishment.

    Cash and Prizes should be arriving shortly. The band will be visible from your rooftop already…Please do not look at the elephant, its docile, but it doesn’t like being looked at.

    With warm regards from everyone here at The Mess of Wires Studios,

    JS

  5. remistevens Says:

    2 more nice people were directed to good information by google today:

    “known adobe viruses”
    “java 6 computer virus”

    sounds like they already knew of the problem

  6. remistevens Says:

    I want to clarify something…..

    I am being completely serious about this post. Someone got here searching “joke viruses” which is entirely inaccurate. Realistically, I have not seen a computer virus on one of my computers in about 10 years. Absolutely none.

    This corporate software all has needless code written in for the purposes of acquiring our information. If the program worked fine yesterday, why do i need to update it today? Just do whatever the fuck you did yesterday again and leave me the hell alone.

    They update to check up on you, to force you to relearn how to use the software (which increases your usage time) and to obsolesce software you have already have and paid for.

    So what are you annoyed by. The boogeyman that no longer exists, or the very real annoyance that keeps coming back and back and back?

  7. Protecting Your Computer from Viruses | eCommunications Says:

    [...] Defending your computer is as easy as making sure you have the latest spyware, malware, and virus protection available. These can be downloaded from your computer, and there are many that are free. This is a great way to have the latest and greatest of defense without spending a dime. [...]

    • remistevens Says:

      Yes, thank you eComm autoscript spambot! Demonstrating virus #4 nicely. . . .Your link probably has some nasty code attached so if you don’t mind i removed it. Have a nice day.

  8. Todd Art Says:

    Might know about actually learn, from any given list of circumstances, determines whether we become increasingly powerless or maybe more powerful.
    All lasting business is built on friendship.

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